Jewish religious dating
To be ruled by one’s emotions and feelings, uncontrolled and undirected by logic, values and clear thinking, with no clear sense of goals and responsibility, is to ignore the only factors which can establish a firm foundation for a permanent and mature life-long relationship.The theme repeated everywhere in novels and movies is that “I am in love and my love is beyond my control”; “I fell in love”; it was as though someone pushed me off a cliff and it was all accidental and unintentional.Some people will claim, with reasonable justification, that some of the social practices which Jewish law prohibits, such as hand holding, social dancing, and good-night kissing, are simply matters of form or social grace, which people perform without attaching to them any great significance.It is precisely this point that we are attempting to make.Let the woman use her “feminine charm”; it’s her legitimate prerogative, a healthy manifestation of her femininity.It’s quite one thing to be charmed by it, but don’t be taken in don’t let it blind you; don’t fall for it.The Jewish approach warns us not to “love in spite of yourself”, but to love “because of yourself”. Enter into the love relationship with your eyes open, not with your eyes closed.Don’t accept blind dates, unless you know who the potential partner is.
Such explanations as “We couldn’t help ourselves, we just fell in love”, or “we didn’t realize what was happening” are excuses, not reasons, because people usually do realize very well indeed, what is happening; they all too often try to convince themselves that certain forms of intimacy are justified because the two individuals concerned happen to be truly in love.
All this is a matter of decency, honesty and fairness to yourself, to the other person involved, and to your family and Jewish tradition.
It is a pre-condition of authentic and lasting love.
To fool oneself through this tactic is to lose control over oneself.
Romantic love is not always related to real love, especially when it ignores the true personalities and mutual interest of those involved.
Modern novels, movies, magazines, and television programs which fantasize and glorify the notion of “romantic love” are describing a type of ideal relationship that may exist in literary form or in the poetic imagination, but which bears very little resemblance to what love is all about in the everyday world of real life.